So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
