i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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