Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Houston, we have a squirter
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
