If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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