there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
