If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
