I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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