You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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