No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
