I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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