you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
