I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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