I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
