Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
