Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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