Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
