Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
