Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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