You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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