Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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