I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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