Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
