wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
