Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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