Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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