Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He passed out mid-signature
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
