If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
