he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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