well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
