Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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