I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
