I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
