i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
