Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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