The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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