you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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