I'm so fucking centered right now
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
