At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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