you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
