i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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