woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
