my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
