Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
