I'm so fucking centered right now
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
