just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
