And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
