I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
