I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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