if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
