Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
