I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
