I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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