he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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