This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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