Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
