dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
