so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
