Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
