I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
