My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
