My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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