Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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